i want a good omens movie but it has to be perfect and it won’t be therefore i do not want a good omens movie
The Good Omens movie is announced.
Neil Gaiman publicly states his approval with every aspect of the movie, and stresses how true it is to the book, how thoroughly it does it justice.
So does Terry Pratchett.
It has an absolutely perfect cast.
The director is an even better choice.
All promotional material looks wonderful.
A release date is set.
The trailer is incredible.
The premiere is a very exclusive event.
All early reviews come in positive.
Fans wait patiently in giant lines for a chance to be the first into the theatre for the midnight screenings.
They file into their seats.
They wait through the previews.
"Now: Our Feature Presentation" scrolls across the screen.
The screen goes black.
The Best of Queen begins to play.
In its entirety.
In glorious surround sound.
❧ Good Omens Fancast | Richard Ayoade as Aziraphale
reading date ╰(◡‿◡✿╰)
I wanted to try drawing analdrawings’s aziraphale like wow what a cutie
imagine crowley contributing to the popularity of flappy bird for infernal reasons, and being very frustrated that nobody understands just how demonic this achievement is
imagine crowley starts playing one time, just to see. imagine crowley throwing his phone out the window, then ‘finding’ it behind the sofa, because they just appear now.
imagine a constant stream of smartphones and profanity emerging from that window.
the only thing i want from the good omens tv/movie is queen playing at inappropriate times
- Resolution #1: I must accept that Super-Gluing valuable coins to the sidewalk and then watching events from a nearby café is not proper demonic activity.
- Resolution #2: The same applies to rearranging the letters on wayside pulpits.
- Resolution #3: Try to come up with something as good as cell phone ringtones, following one last stab at convincing Downstairs that cell phone ringtones are right up there in the whole Human Misery stakes. And iPods. Has anybody Down There even said thank you for iPods? Or “Googling yourself?” Frankly, I deserve some kind of award for “Googling yourself.”
- Resolution #4: I must encourage greedy people to use the term, “Low-hanging fruit,” because that’s just like old times.
- Resolution #5: This year, I will get a desk near the window.
- Resolution #6: I will try to understand why Hell is a no-smoking area. I just think it’s ridiculous having to stand around outside the gates, that’s all.
- Resolution #7: On the orders of Head Office I will encourage the belief in Intelligent Design, because it upsets everyone.
- Resolution #8: Stop Googling myself.Aziraphale:
- Resolution #1: Spread peace and love and glad tidings of great joy throughout the world. Also try to get out more.
- Resolution #2: I will be charitable to people who use the term “core values,” however difficult this may be.
- Resolution #3: Notwithstanding Resolution #2 (above), I will redouble my efforts to have the utterance of the phrase “core values” classified as a deadly sin. I believe Himself is with me on this one.
- Resolution #4: I will try to be nicer to the customers. They want to buy books; I want to sell them. It can’t be that hard. (Memo to self: Regular opening hours? Mark prices on books?)
- Resolution #5: I will try to be polite to Gabriel, no matter what the provocation.
- Resolution #6: Find out exactly what an “Internet” is.
- Resolution #7: Really must resume dancing lessons. Learn the “Galloping Major,” the “Gay Gordons,” the “Mashed Potatoes.” Possibly even the “Twist”?
- Resolution #8: Thwart Infernal Wiles (ongoing).
- Resolution #9: I will try to understand why Heaven is a non-smoking area.
- Resolution #10: On the orders of Head Office I will encourage the belief in Intelligent Design – despite the fact that the human airway crosses the digestive tract. Who thought that was intelligent?
- Resolution #11: Feed the ducks.
Obviously he’d rather be in the Bentley, but Crowley liked Westminster, for a tube station: it was just close enough to the wheels of power to be well-maintained. He’d sorted the Wifi himself: he was determined to make the whole ‘App’ thing go as far as possible; it had the potential to be so very irritating. He sent Aziraphale a Snapchat of the stumbling drunk Father Christmas, walking aimlessly up and down the platform. “Pleased as man with man to dwell” he captioned it, rather cleverly.
Of course, Aziraphale didn’t have a mobile phone, let alone the latest apps: but that didn’t seem to matter, he still opened them somehow. Crowley almost missed the angel, in a funny kind of way: there are some things you can’t share without ending up liking each other, and stopping the Apocalypse is one of them.
'Do you think the birthday boy was on board with the whole apocalypse thing? Funny he never showed up,' Crowley tapped out a text to Aziraphale, but deleted it without sending it. Self-censorship: the ultimate enemy of all his plans for humanity.
Instead he popped his earphones in, and opened Google Music. He was streaming straight from the internet, but it made no difference: every track was Miley Cyrus by the time the train pulled up to the next station.
[muffled “Best of Queen” playing in the distance]
ughghghgh sorry, more Good Omens x_x
Archbishop James Usher (1580-1656) published Annales Veteris et Novi Testaments in 1654, which suggested that the Heaven and the Earth were created in 4004 B.C. One of his aides took the calculation further, and was able to announce triumphantly that the Earth was created on Sunday the 21st of October, 4004 B.C., at exactly 9:00 A.M., because God liked to get work done early in the morning while he was feeling fresh.
This too was incorrect. By almost a quarter of an hour.
The whole business with the fossilized dinosaur skeletons was a joke the paleontologists haven’t seen yet.
This proves two things:
Firstly, that God moves in extremely mysterious, not to say, circuitous ways. God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players, [ie., everybody.] to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won’t tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.
Secondly, the Earth’s a Libra.❞
Good Omens, Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett
Mandatory October 21st post.
Happy birthday, Earth.
Some people point out that it’s Ussher with two S’s. But the Encyclopedia Britannica said it only had one S, so that was how we spelled it.